Dirty XXX Jokes

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill but warns her that it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes ...

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven".
The first guy comes up to the gate and ...

A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.
He ...

One Saturday morning, Glen decided to go fishing.
He sat there for hours,but nothing. The bottle whiskey that he've took with him,was also empty. He throw the empty bottle into pieces against ...

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus.
Dressed up for work, she was wearing a very tight mini skirt. As the bus rolled up and it became her ...

1. You can GET chocolate.
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. You can safely have ...

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband ...

This couple comes to a new town and the guy gets a job at the local pickle factory. A few years go by and each year he wins the employee of the year award. One day in the 3rd year, he comes home looking ...

Harry noticed he was running low on rubbers, so he stopped by the local drugstore. "What size?" asked the blonde pharmacist's assistant sweetly.
When he admitted he wasn't sure of his size. ...

The stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course problems, but seemed to be only half paying attention to his replies.
"Are you feeling OK?" he asked.
"Well, to ...

Did you know that this week is *National Condom Week*? Here's a *salute* to the *new* condoms on the market!
Lumberjack Condoms
For the woody that won't be cut down.
Sprout Condoms
Add ...

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a basketball player. They start to talk, and eventually, go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On ...

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He said, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used ...

He grabbed me around my slender neck
I could not call or scream.
He dragged me to my dingy room
where we could not be seen.
He tore away my flimsy wrap
and gazed upon my form.
...

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed ...

A woman who had outlived eight husbands finally passed away.
Old friends and enemies alike gathered at her grave side and consoled or bitched with each other, as is so often the way.
...

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it ...

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, ...

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out ...

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
-- Steve Jobs (Founder: ...